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Nell Castle

Tag Archives: Family

“Here at the End of All Things”

16 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by nellcastle in Children

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

aging, Family, Memory, mid-life crisis

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In a few short days, my youngest son leaves for college. And each second that ticks away before the  moment we shut the car door and drive 8 hours back home seems weighted with added significance. His last Thursday at home. His last time walking the dogs before it becomes my job for good. His last family game night.

Life was so stuffed with activity and forward motion when my children were young. The only time for reflection was when they collapsed in my arms at storytime. After a hard day’s play, they fought to stay awake all the way to the end. I’d carry them to bed, awake or half-asleep, bridging the exploration of the day to the stillness of the night, helping them find security in their blankets and the companionship of their favorite stuffed animals.

How many times is a child picked up? Multiply that by three, for me. Swinging my children onto my hip was, for years, a motion I performed as frequently and unconsciously as walking. Lifting them into my arms, day after day, year after year.

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But one of those times when I lifted each child was the last time.

The most poignant scene I know in literature is in Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, when Emily, after dying in childbirth, returns as a ghost to witness the morning of her 12th birthday. She experiences the pain of watching herself and the people she loved taking for granted the moments of being alive. “We don’t have time to look at one another. I didn’t realize. So all that was going on and we never noticed… Does anybody realize what life is while they’re living it- every, every minute?”

This week, as the chapter closes on my child-rearing years, I’m paying close attention to final things. And although I know I’ll welcome the doors opening ahead of me, tempting me to enter and follow new adventures, for a little while longer I need to grieve the door steadily swinging shut behind me.

 

 

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If It’s the Last Thing I Do

24 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by nellcastle in Family

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Alzheimer's, Death, Disease, Family, Memory, Writing

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A few years ago, I came up against a stark reality: as the child of a father with early onset Alzheimer’s Disease, I have a 50% chance of dying from the same disease.

Not that dying is the worst part. Surely the slow erosion of memory, personality, and motor skills starting around the age of 50 makes living with Alzheimer’s the worst part of the nightmare.

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Turning the Tides – Available Now!

Ever the black sheep of her adoptive family, Lee Cooper has finally buckled down to a responsible job as a social worker in Southwest Florida. Defending her client against charges of child abuse awakens buried memories of her own abandonment in a Korean orphanage. Can she remain objective for the sake of a child? Bricker Kilbourn, the court-appointed guardian, doubts Lee’s judgments--and his opinion might determine the little boy’s fate. He's got his own family issues and haunting secrets to keep. Falling for a woman is not part of his plan. He’s running from his past. She’s searching for answers. Will their resolution to protect a child bind them together or wrench them apart?

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